At the end of a day of mothering, I'm tired. Typically with less than an ounce of energy to do those last dishes, pick up the dirty clothes laying around, or even considering planning for the next day. I'm done. That's at 5:00 PM when my husband walks in.
He walks in and I go into "off-duty" mode. I attempt supper, which if I hadn't planned ahead - we gather something out of the pantry and freezer or decide if we want order out. I must admit that 50% of the time, I give him the "I'm done" look and hope he'll do supper.
Bed-time is also mostly dad's job. Many nights we split up and conquer our four children two by two. But it's an unspoken agreement that bedtime is dad's job. I do the morning routine since he's already at work. That's fair, right?
It's the 5:00 - 9:00 PM time frame that I'm most plagued with. Am I giving my best self to the people I love the most during these hours? We all have a daily task - whether that's a job inside or outside the home. I do both. My husband and I own a business and I float back and forth from there and home while managing our household and children. He works full-time there. In anyone's situation, the end of the work day comes, we arrive home and snuggle into our comfort zones and become less than amazing people.
Our co-workers get the best of us, the customers we encounter get our biggest smile, and the job or career we have gains all our passions and energy that we have for the day. We then arrive home -- to the most important things in our life, our marriage and children, and we have what left for them? Rushing, yelling, shooing away, chores, early bedtime, and short tuck-tucks. Clearly not enough eye-to-eye contact with good listening, book reading, cuddles, dance parties, and hugs.
Of course, there are exceptions to every day. I'm definitely not saying that we check out every night, there are at least a few days a week that we do it right. But how many times do I allow that extra snack, or extra screen time to avoid the whining or avoid the noise? (Four children create a lot of noise!) Then I later feel guilty because I was a crummy, checked-out parent that evening.
Oh, and my husband. I'm pretty sure when I was dating him, I didn't still have my pajamas on when he came by after work to say hello. And I sure as hell had on a bra and my teeth brushed! On top of that, my house was usually tidy, I put on my biggest smile and flirted. Hmmmm....when was the last time I flirted with my husband? When was the last time, on a regular day, did I get dressed and do my hair just for him? Not for work, not for the PTO meeting, and not for a date. But just a normal ol' day that usually I'd keep my yoga pants on and throw on a hat to avoid my unkempt hair.
The summer I met Billy -- pretty sure I'm flirting here!
Who is your best self? Where do you show your best self? And do you save any of that best self for the people you love the most? Don't get me wrong - the comfort of family and being yourself is priceless. That's certainly a benefit to being married or having real relationships in your life. This is the freedom to pass gas anytime and confess where you totally messed up earlier in the day. It's safe.
But is that safety allowing you to be a jerk? It certainly is me. And as I look ahead to this weekend and Mother's Day, I want to vow to my family that I'm going to give my best self to them more often. Whether I'm tired or frustrated, I'm going to be a self-controlled adult that holds her tongue, smiles more often, listens better -- like I do to all the strangers that I encounter on a daily basis that get my best self way more than the family that loves me unconditionally does. And deserves.
My family - Fall of 2012
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